Friday, January 11, 2013

Sleep is For The Birds

Sleep Deprivation Unit 1
For something like this, it is imperative you have a back-up unit lest you, you know, accidentally get a night of restful sleep. Which you definitely would not want ever.

This morning at 5:00AM Sleep Deprivation Unit 1 goes off after having filled its Waste Receptacle with fecal matter. It is very important I go deal with this straight away, at 5:00AM, or the world just may abruptly end. Making the Mayans tardy but correct (does 'better late than never' apply to this?)

Just as I settle back into bed comfortably, Sleep Deprivation Unit 1 goes off again at 6:00AM because it has filled its Waste Receptacle with urine. It is against the User Agreement that it fill its Waste Receptacle with both simultaneously, or I just might get too much sleep. So I get up to tend to this as well.

Sleep Deprivation Unit 2
At 7:00AM Sleep Deprivation Unit 1 has expended its uses, falling into a short cycle of contentment during which it recharges. At this time is where having a back up unit comes in handy! Sleep Deprivation Unit 2 goes off by knocking over a vase in the closet, dumping water and tulips everywhere. Why was there a vase in the closet? Because incidentally it had been placed there to be hidden from Sleep Deprivation 2 but someone left the door open. Ahem.

There I am, in my pajamas picking flowers up off of the closet floor and taking petals out of dresser drawers. Then I'm in the kitchen, trying to salvage what I can because, I enjoy fresh flowers and tulips are my favorite -- the fiance had brought them to me so sweetly for no reason whatsoever other than he loves me to the Moon and back. All of this takes about forty-five minutes and then...

I make a futile effort to sleep again but between Sleep Deprivation 1 reactivating and Aaron deciding he needs ALL of the blankets, I decided it was just time to gtfo of bed. Sleep Deprivation Unit high-five!

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