ASD Evaluation

Yesterday pretty much everything that could have gone wrong did, but it inevitably ended alright anyway.

It started the night before, when I realized right before bed that we had a major appointment in the city the next day and I had no time to prepare for it. That probably seems pretty minor to a lot of you, but when you have autism prepping yourself for what to expect when you go someplace new is very important. This generally takes about 24 hours, which I did not have.

So I spent the majority of the morning on the brink of an anxiety attack, all while trying to get myself and Jude ready to go. Jude, who woke my up in the middle of the night again, so we were also both exhausted before noon. But his appointment wasn't until 3, so I basically followed him around for hours trying to prevent meltdowns so that transporting him from point a to point b wasn't a nightmare.

By the time we actually leave I'm actually having a panic attack but I've no choice but to truck on. We get on the freeway and there's wonky construction happening all over the place. The lanes are split and divided by cement blocks. So when we realize we're actually on the wrong 80 (there's 2 and maps rarely specify which), we can't get off because of the dividers.

Aaron plugs the address into his phone to try to navigate us there but his phone is absolutely not cooperating. Now Jude is fussing loudly. I offer him snacks now thinking the complaints are hunger related. They are not.

Just as I'm about to have a heart attack to my mounting anxiety, he barfs. Car sick. We knew he got car sick (I do too) but before it had only ever happened in stop-and-go traffic. This was a straight shot. Welp. "Should we turn around?" Aaron asks.

"No. I think he's got spare clothes in the diaper bag. I'll clean him up, you just get us there."
He cracks a window and I put my seat back so that I can scoop the bloated raisins and bile off of the child and out of his car seat. It's gross. Strangely having to enter ULTIMATE MOM MODE completely took away my anxiety though. So, thanks unexpected toddler puke.

We arrive and Aaron calls to let them know we'll be running late and why, they are gracefully understanding. I use a bottle of water and some paper towels to give Jude a sponge bath in the trunk and then put him in a clean shirt and diaper. There aren't any pants in the diaper bag, but he's not old enough to be embarrassed about running around half naked yet so that's fine.

Aaron takes the clean child and heads inside to get us all situation while I scrub down the car so that it isn't rancid in the summer heat for the 3 hours this is supposed to take. I realize as I'm walking into the building that Aaron took the paperwork with him so I have no idea where to actually go.

It didn't wind up mattering because Jude would absolutely not let him enter the suite without me, and he had to loiter outside in the hallway with a half naked, screaming toddler getting looks from people until I arrived. lol.

We go in, he won't let me put him down. I hold all 40 lb. of him for 20 minutes until we're call back. The appointment itself goes well enough, considering. She suspects ASD but it can be difficult to say definitively at this age. Afterward, Jude falls asleep while I'm holding him and the doctor is talking to us. She talks to us for like... eternity. My arms actually feel like they've been shred to ribbons when I can finally load him back into his car seat. Which was thankfully dry and didn't stink.

We got home, hung out with Jude a while then put him to bed. He of course didn't want me to go, so I sat with him in the dark until he fell asleep. Then I came out and tried to play some video games to unwind, but my dying computer wouldn't let me. Thankfully Aaron suggested we watch a movie instead, because I would've probably bashed my head against that wall until just going to bed defeated.

We watched Kung Fu Hustle and ate chocolate and kettle corn while he basically doused me in Icy Hot. Then, for the first time since last Monday, Jude actually slept through the night.
I feel it is important to share bad days as well as good ones. Not only to vent but because hiding the bad stuff is dishonest. I don't want my life to seem easy so others feel bad when they struggle. No, man. We all struggle. Read about my floundering. Share in my pain.

tl;dr: anxiety attack, loads of barf, arms day ever day, technical difficulties, kung fu hustle, actual sleep.