Friday, April 11, 2014
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Mind Over Matter
"Mind over matter," is just a saying until you become a parent. Seriously. I always thought I had that mind over matter thing down pat. I could bear unreasonable amounts of pain before giving in and taking an Advil. I could stomach uncomfortable hot or cold longer than most other people around me before caving and turning on the air conditioner/heat. I could sit and do nothing, if nothing was available without complaining of boredom. I thought I had it down. If I had an itch, I would do my best not to scratch it unless it was really driving me nuts.
I was living life on Easy mode though. Having a baby skips Medium difficulty and sets the game of life straight to Hard mode. If you're a single parent expect to skip Medium and Hard mode and wake up in Nightmare mode -- a mode typically only unlocked once the game realizes you can handle Hard mode. Being a parent immediately puts life into perspective for you, whether you wanted it to or not. You realize, suddenly, that you had absolutely no idea what "mind over matter" even meant before. Before: when you hilariously thought you had it down pat.
You don't conquer mind over matter until you are sitting with an over-tired infant, rocking ceaselessly in the dark, in absolute silence trying to convince it to finally fall asleep. Then, when it finally begins to nod off you feel that tickle in your nose alerting your body that you are imminently going to sneeze. You have to, your nose tells your brain. There's no way to go about that without completely rousing the infant you've worked so diligently with to get to sleep. Even if you manage to sneeze quietly it's still a full body jolt. You realize, if you allow this bodily function to carry itself out -- you will wake the baby, and getting it back to sleep may take hours. Cutting into the miniscule time you get to yourself, to eat, sleep, and bathe.
You recognize in that instant that sneezing is NOT and option. You cannot sneeze. Both of your hands are full. The baby, so peacefully nestled in them. You don't have time to set the infant in its cradle to run out of the room to sneeze. The only thing you can do if you want to come out of this successfully is not sneeze. It takes every ounce of willpower you possess. But you do so.
Congratulations, you've just successfully fought against Nature and won.
You wake up at 3am, after having only been asleep for 45 minutes. You realize upon waking that you have a fever and need to go throw-up. The flu. The baby wakes and it's time to start your day. You pop a Tylenol, grab a cup of ginger tea and act as though it's business as usual. You haven't the time to be sick. Your baby needs you.
Congratulations, another victory for you.
You face challenges such as this daily. Sometimes multiple times a day! It's nap time, a particularly difficult time for many parents as babies (once they've adjusted to a proper day/night schedule) have a difficult time falling asleep when the sun is still shining -- if there is light in the room. It's a distraction. They can see things: they can see you! Their tiny eyes will wander, their little hands will grope at things. If only they would just close their eyes! Finally they do, after endlessly rocking or swaying. In a few minutes you'll be able to put them in their crib and tend to your own needs. You've probably had to pee for at least twenty minutes now. You glance down...
There is a spider on your pant leg, strolling around like it's gd Central Park. Your first instinct is to squeal and swat at it. You must suppress this instinct. Even were your hands free, swatting and shouting in fright would most certainly wake that baby you just now managed to get to sleep. You swallow your terror and continue to gently rock, watching Satan's spawn skitter around on your leg, undoubtedly plotting how best to kill you while you're helpless.
Congratulations, you've won again!
You're sitting and playing with a happy baby, someone delivers terrible news. You want desperately to break down into tears or shouting or whatever the case may be. If you break down though, baby will break down too. They are freakishly perceptive of emotions. Most people would react right then, but you have to keep your cool for now. Set aside whatever emotion you're feeling and continue stacking colored blocks until a more appropriate time, such as when a spouse, friend, or family members arrives to relieve you of duty. You didn't think you'd be able to, but you did.
Congratulations, yet another victory for you!
Welcome to life as a parent. In a few short months you'll practically be a master of mind over matter. You've got serious bragging rights. Especially with your childless friends. As they relay to you what a long hard day they've had, you nod sympathetically while inwardly laughing hysterically -- because you know how to. It's just mind over matter.
I was living life on Easy mode though. Having a baby skips Medium difficulty and sets the game of life straight to Hard mode. If you're a single parent expect to skip Medium and Hard mode and wake up in Nightmare mode -- a mode typically only unlocked once the game realizes you can handle Hard mode. Being a parent immediately puts life into perspective for you, whether you wanted it to or not. You realize, suddenly, that you had absolutely no idea what "mind over matter" even meant before. Before: when you hilariously thought you had it down pat.
You don't conquer mind over matter until you are sitting with an over-tired infant, rocking ceaselessly in the dark, in absolute silence trying to convince it to finally fall asleep. Then, when it finally begins to nod off you feel that tickle in your nose alerting your body that you are imminently going to sneeze. You have to, your nose tells your brain. There's no way to go about that without completely rousing the infant you've worked so diligently with to get to sleep. Even if you manage to sneeze quietly it's still a full body jolt. You realize, if you allow this bodily function to carry itself out -- you will wake the baby, and getting it back to sleep may take hours. Cutting into the miniscule time you get to yourself, to eat, sleep, and bathe.
You recognize in that instant that sneezing is NOT and option. You cannot sneeze. Both of your hands are full. The baby, so peacefully nestled in them. You don't have time to set the infant in its cradle to run out of the room to sneeze. The only thing you can do if you want to come out of this successfully is not sneeze. It takes every ounce of willpower you possess. But you do so.
Congratulations, you've just successfully fought against Nature and won.
You wake up at 3am, after having only been asleep for 45 minutes. You realize upon waking that you have a fever and need to go throw-up. The flu. The baby wakes and it's time to start your day. You pop a Tylenol, grab a cup of ginger tea and act as though it's business as usual. You haven't the time to be sick. Your baby needs you.
Congratulations, another victory for you.
You face challenges such as this daily. Sometimes multiple times a day! It's nap time, a particularly difficult time for many parents as babies (once they've adjusted to a proper day/night schedule) have a difficult time falling asleep when the sun is still shining -- if there is light in the room. It's a distraction. They can see things: they can see you! Their tiny eyes will wander, their little hands will grope at things. If only they would just close their eyes! Finally they do, after endlessly rocking or swaying. In a few minutes you'll be able to put them in their crib and tend to your own needs. You've probably had to pee for at least twenty minutes now. You glance down...
There is a spider on your pant leg, strolling around like it's gd Central Park. Your first instinct is to squeal and swat at it. You must suppress this instinct. Even were your hands free, swatting and shouting in fright would most certainly wake that baby you just now managed to get to sleep. You swallow your terror and continue to gently rock, watching Satan's spawn skitter around on your leg, undoubtedly plotting how best to kill you while you're helpless.
Congratulations, you've won again!
You're sitting and playing with a happy baby, someone delivers terrible news. You want desperately to break down into tears or shouting or whatever the case may be. If you break down though, baby will break down too. They are freakishly perceptive of emotions. Most people would react right then, but you have to keep your cool for now. Set aside whatever emotion you're feeling and continue stacking colored blocks until a more appropriate time, such as when a spouse, friend, or family members arrives to relieve you of duty. You didn't think you'd be able to, but you did.
Congratulations, yet another victory for you!
Welcome to life as a parent. In a few short months you'll practically be a master of mind over matter. You've got serious bragging rights. Especially with your childless friends. As they relay to you what a long hard day they've had, you nod sympathetically while inwardly laughing hysterically -- because you know how to. It's just mind over matter.
Monday, March 24, 2014
Weird Things You Say (To a Baby)
I find that there are a lot of things adults say to babies that would just be strange if said to another adult. For instance while playing with a pool noodle larger than he is, I affectionately referred to Jude as 'Noodle Face.' That would be weird enough on its own but then I followed it up by exclaiming, "Aw, if you had a noodle face you'd be like an adorable little Cthulhu!" What? That's such a weird thing to say and it just slipped right out of my mouth, no filter.
I also do the Irish thing and refer to him as a baba instead of as a baby but then it gets out of hand and morphs into 'Babo' (babe-oh), or worse 'Babalo' (bob-uh-low) which is just nonsense. It means literally nothing, but I say it all the time. Like it's some archaic language only mother and child comprehend.
He is also frequently called a 'Silly Billy' though there are plenty of Williams in our family, he is not one of them. To make it even sillier he can't even just be a Silly Billy. He's a 'Silly Billy Pumpkin Pie.' I don't even know why. I can't explain it to you. Pumpkin Pie actually gets added onto the end of many things referring to Jude for reasons I can't tell you. It's become a household suffix.
Then there's just the weird crap you say to the baby in general like, "You're so cute I just want to smush you!" Or, "I could just eat you up!" One thing I say a lot is, "I want to hug you until there's nothing left." I would never actually hug him to death, of course. Obviously. But it's a thing I say and it's weird. Or just point blank asking him if he's pooped yet, or if he is pooping now. Has anyone other than a doctor asked about your bowel movements? Probably not.
I'm not alone in this. People say things like this to him or other nearby babies all the time without a second thought. Around children are our brain filters just shut down? I usually think nothing of it. It's just a thing people do. However when you really think about it, it's so bizarre.
Can you imagine if someone walked up to you, a grown adult, and said, "Hey, Silly Billy. I want to hug you until you're dead!" You'd be like, "What the hell?!" Yeah, it's a little creepy. I'd probably run away from them without looking back. But to a kid? Totally fine. Everyone knows you aren't serious.
What are some entertaining things you call/say to your children?
I also do the Irish thing and refer to him as a baba instead of as a baby but then it gets out of hand and morphs into 'Babo' (babe-oh), or worse 'Babalo' (bob-uh-low) which is just nonsense. It means literally nothing, but I say it all the time. Like it's some archaic language only mother and child comprehend.
He is also frequently called a 'Silly Billy' though there are plenty of Williams in our family, he is not one of them. To make it even sillier he can't even just be a Silly Billy. He's a 'Silly Billy Pumpkin Pie.' I don't even know why. I can't explain it to you. Pumpkin Pie actually gets added onto the end of many things referring to Jude for reasons I can't tell you. It's become a household suffix.
Then there's just the weird crap you say to the baby in general like, "You're so cute I just want to smush you!" Or, "I could just eat you up!" One thing I say a lot is, "I want to hug you until there's nothing left." I would never actually hug him to death, of course. Obviously. But it's a thing I say and it's weird. Or just point blank asking him if he's pooped yet, or if he is pooping now. Has anyone other than a doctor asked about your bowel movements? Probably not.
I'm not alone in this. People say things like this to him or other nearby babies all the time without a second thought. Around children are our brain filters just shut down? I usually think nothing of it. It's just a thing people do. However when you really think about it, it's so bizarre.
Can you imagine if someone walked up to you, a grown adult, and said, "Hey, Silly Billy. I want to hug you until you're dead!" You'd be like, "What the hell?!" Yeah, it's a little creepy. I'd probably run away from them without looking back. But to a kid? Totally fine. Everyone knows you aren't serious.
What are some entertaining things you call/say to your children?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Love, Truly
This does not mean that I love any of the above less or even that I love my child more, somehow. But really, truly, love was a stranger to me even though I held such an abundance of it before this life changing event. I see it purely now, unbridled, as it is meant to be, and I think all of my relationships have benefited from this revelation. Even my interactions with complete strangers are more positive.
Before having a child you may think you know the bounds of love, how to do it unconditionally and freely, but trust me when I say you're only breaking the surface. There is so much more to love and I honestly cannot think of a better way to experience that breakthrough than holding in your hands for the first time a being that depends upon you entirely. A life you created, through love.
Not like a puppy or a kitten that will become self-sufficient in a short order of time, but a brand new person with their own personality, wants, and needs that will depend solely upon you to fulfill them for years to come. A little person who will infuriate you and entertain you and overwhelm you with joy all at once sometimes. Accepting that responsibility and truly owning up to it expanded that word: l-o-v-e to me to such a degree it's really not even explainable, try as I might here to get the message across.
I hope, at the very least, you can appreciate love a little better now. For as much as you experience it daily, there is so much more of it waiting for you, for when you have that breakthrough yourself and realize the sun is indeed a little brighter than you thought it was yesterday.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
A Letter to a Dear Friend: Welcome to Club Mommy
Both she and her new addition are doing well, he was born 3 lb 6 oz and 16 1/2". His name is Oliver and he's the definition of fantastic. I cannot wait to meet him. Even more, I can't wait for Jude to meet him. That will be incredibly precious. First things first though, get stronger so that you can go home, Oliver!
"Dear Lena,
Good afternoon, I hope you are feeling well today. I know being pregnant has been a lot more uncomfortable than you thought it would be. You're in the final stretch now though! Before long you'll trade in all this misery for a joy the likes of which you've never known.
I read something interesting the other day. Did you know that cursive is a dying art? They no longer teach it in many schools and more are jumping off boat. The cursive boat. Your child may not be able to decipher this letter unless you teach them to. Cursive will be a secret code language among adults. Bwah haha!
Anyway, I put together a little box of some essentials I had on hand**. Some of it is brand new, never used. Other things were gently worn by the Little Duck before he out grew them. Everything has already been washed with Dreft though, so it's ready-to-wear. You don't have to do any work. Most of it is gender neutral since you bravely decided not to find out, but there is also some blue because we're both pretty sure it'll be a little man*. It is a soft blue though, easy enough to make girly if you have to: just add a bow.
The days ahead of you are long and arduous but also amazing and ultimately empowering. There will be days that you forgot what it feels like to sleep, smell like a hobo, and feel like a crazy person, but they will pass. You will also discover a god-like patience, a strength the likes of legend, and a love so pure and unconditional words cannot do it justice. I am so happy and excited for you, Lena. You will be great at this.
If you need anything, at any time, just contact me. I might be far away but I am here.
Fighting evil by moonlight,
Inari"
*We were right, ha!
**Shipping this out soon!
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